You can see it in the small things. The birthday gifts remembered. The doctor’s appointments are scheduled. The emotional support given to others without asking for anything in return. This is emotional labor. And for many Indian women – homemakers, professionals, caregivers – it’s a quiet burden carried every day.
Unlike physical work, emotional labor doesn’t show up in job descriptions. It’s not recognized in pay slips. But it drains you. It wears you down. What makes it worse? It’s invisible. Because it is expected. Because no one talks about it. And because women, more often than not, don’t complain. They carry it as part of who they are. As part of what they’re “supposed to do.”
So let’s talk about what this invisible load really does.
Constant mental clutter
There’s a reason so many women feel tired even when they haven’t done anything “big” all day. It’s the never-ending mental checklist. Has the milk been boiled? Is the child’s tiffin packed? Did I wish Ma’s friend on her birthday? Did I call the plumber? Did I smile enough in that meeting?
This kind of mental multitasking leaves no space for rest. Even when the body is still, the mind keeps running. Over time, this leads to mental exhaustion that’s hard to explain – but very real.
Suppressed emotions, amplified stress
Most women learn early that they must “manage” other people’s feelings – calm down angry husbands, be patient with difficult in-laws, stay cheerful at work no matter how they feel. In trying to make sure others are okay, they stop acknowledging their own feelings.
Suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They pile up. One on top of the other. Until they start showing up as headaches, mood swings, insomnia – or worse, as chronic anxiety and depression.
Guilt becomes a second skin
If she rests, she feels guilty. If she says no, she feels guilty. If she asks for help, she feels guilty. Emotional labor thrives in silence, and guilt keeps it there.
Women often measure their worth by how much they do for others. So, when they think of letting go of even a little responsibility, they feel they are letting others down. But in truth, they are letting themselves down every day they refuse to put their own needs first.
Burnout with no name
We often associate burnout with long office hours or demanding deadlines. But emotional labor creates a quieter kind of burnout. It’s not about deadlines – it’s about expectations. Expectations that never end. Be a good mother. A good daughter. A good employee. A good wife.
No matter how well a woman performs, the goalpost keeps moving. In the absence of a language to name what she’s experiencing, she blames herself. Why can’t I handle it all? What’s wrong with me? The truth: there’s nothing wrong. She’s just been running on empty for too long.
Loneliness in the middle of everything
She’s surrounded by people. Kids. Colleagues. Family. But how many really know what she’s going through? Emotional labor creates a strange kind of loneliness – where you’re never alone, yet always feel unseen.
When no one notices how much you do, when no one appreciates the invisible work you put in daily, it chips away at your sense of self. You begin to feel like a machine. Useful, but not loved.
So, what can women do to offload this emotional weight?
Start by speaking up
Many times, the people around you genuinely don’t know what you’re carrying. Because you’ve never told them. Or because you’ve made it look easy.
Start small. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Tell your family how their expectations affect you. Make invisible work visible – write it down if needed. You don’t have to shout. You just have to speak.
Build supportive circles
You need people who understand. Who listen without judgment. Who remind you that you’re not alone. Women’s support groups – whether online or offline – can be a source of strength. So can close friends, therapists, mentors, or even safe social media spaces where women share their real lives.
Sometimes, just hearing someone else say, “Me too,” can be healing.
Prioritize mental and emotional wellness
Your mental health is not a luxury. It’s the foundation of everything you do. Investing in your emotional wellness isn’t selfish – it’s survival.
This could mean journaling every day. Or seeing a counsellor. Or taking a quiet walk alone. Or booking that wellness retreat you’ve been putting off. Even a regular spa visit that allows you to breathe and be still can help release the pressure that builds up.
Taking care of your mind is the first step toward taking care of your life.
Emotional labor doesn’t come with bruises or scars. But it changes you. It makes you feel smaller. Tired. Invisible.
You don’t have to carry the whole world. You don’t need to be everything to everyone. You just need to be someone to yourself.
It begins by saying – enough.
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